Are You For Me Or Against ME!

“Safe People. What I am learning is not everyone is for your success or your good."

This is my second year without my mom, sister or brother at my family holiday gatherings. Why are family dynamics so complex? Its hard when you love people and there is a war to present the best self when you do get together. We are all fighting to be excepted. In this past year when my life as I knew it fell apart I decided to get my own healing take the journey alone to find the true me without the familiar family voices of dysfunction voices that so defined my life good and the bad. Here is what I discovered co dependency is putting others opinions above our own voice for the desire to be apart excepted, noticed.  It leaves out the best part of you. YOU.. the real you is hidden even to you. As I have taken the time to sit in the rubbish the ash heap this past year I have discovered  more of the real me. Who am I outside the confines of family. It is a hard journey it takes being alone I think we all fear. Its the dark room of isolation where He develops us in obscurity, lets just say its not easy for me to sit still. He developed patience in me then said write the book I will breath it through you. Every day he would encourage me I am with you. Don’t be hard on yourself I have you and I would write He would speak. He is developing a listening ear in silence.   At times I say to people we can still be alone because we are not living our true self. Where did she go. Who will she be. The very questions that we must allow ourselves to ask. Who is safe who sees me and desires to see me fulfill my birthright, my God given Identity. I used to say they would rather have me broken and needy then healed  so they can keep me in the cycle of abuse. Well I discovered that’s no fun. Sometimes I must admit I am a slow learner. I’m starting to get this thing called life. Not everyone is going to see you validate you or be willing to say wow, you’ve come a long way baby. Its hard I don’t and never will get it. I have learned to except it and not demand others to change for me. I simply chose who is for me and water the relationship to wholeness together what I have found is my “Tribe” my place of Kingdom influence the very reason for my existence where He has called me to shine a light and those who’s hearts are truly prepared the soil of hunger to hear truth is been tilled. So I no longer need everyone to except me. I simple live to obey His leading and trust His plan that He will work all things for my good. I ask myself when people are around me when they say things how does this make me feel? If safe I proceed to remain open if not I protect my heart with all diligence and not let seeds into the garden of my heart that will produce a garden I don’t desire to eat the fruit.. As a child I didn’t want to hurt anyone or anyone to feel rejected I felt for them and would still try to be the rescuer. I’m not God and if they wont listen to His voice how would they every except mine. Our desire to connect should be to give love pour out encouragement, hope and purpose never to find value. As He is healing the child the adult women can see I was stuck in the cycle still wanting my mom to validate me. I heard there is  difference between childlike and childish. He dug deep and the little girl was the chatting one talking all the time looking for attention. Ouch He said deeper Hear me. Develop a quite spirit so you can hear others and let them talk. That was a hard one once I saw it was His compassion that moves me.  He is the only validation I desire now when I live from a place of His love I’m more powerful and aware of who He says I am.. IDENITY is where purpose flows with out effort. My desires to sit with the broken is to pour out love not to get as I pour out He pours in. The divine exchange Heaven invading earth. All I’m living for.

Heavenly echo’s of the eternal one being released.

Its a narrow road and so worth finding the King in our hearts roaring like a lion let there be peace I will reconcile all things back to myself.

Oh How I love His ways.

When we come to the end of ourselves and submit to His plan His promise to heal the brokenhearted. First starts with you. He has a greater plan to use what He restores in you to bless others its called the divine exchange. Eternity in the heart of man. Supernatural released to invade our natural limit’s to a limitless God. I will be a yielded vessel. Will You He is calling you by name. Identity revealed.

Crystal